The Formula for Change
Jimmy Townsend has joked that “marriage teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, meekness and a great many other things you wouldn't need if you had stayed single.” The truth is different. Marriage is God's finishing school for the godly soul. Marriage is ordained to stretch and refine us.
Christ is the great change agent. And His process for change is that described by the principles and covenants of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is the formula for change, growth, and goodness. It is the only formula with an ironclad guarantee. I have tried to capture the essence of those principles and covenants in the chapters of The First Principles of Marriage.
Chapter 1: Marriage is ordained of God. The big picture of His plan
• Expect challenges.
• Welcome growth.
• We can act on several levels: telestial, terrestrial or celestial.
• God will show us the way back.
Chapter 2: Willing to submit in all things. The principle of sacrifice
• Our natural ways make us enemies to each other.
• We need a broken heart and contrite spirit.
• We must be willing to submit to God for our marriages to survive.
Chapter 3: Lord I believe, help Thou mine unbelief. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ
• We must resist evil.
• We cannot flourish without heavenly help.
• We can use irritation as an invitation to get heavenly help.
• God is able to do His work.
Chapter 4: O Jesus Thou Son of God, have mercy on me. Humility and repentance
• We are to fix ourselves and love others, not vice versa.
• When we focus on discontents, we enlarge them.
• When we love and accept our partners, they grow.
• Our pride is conquered by calling out for mercy.
Chapter 5: How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God? Purity in marriage
• Satan uses mischief and deception to turn our hearts from our partners. He is subtle.
• When we choose purity, we are blessed and enriched.
• There is no way to have a great relationship without focusing our love on our spouses.
Chapter 6: Zion cannot be built up unless it is by the principles of the celestial kingdom
Consecration in marriage
And again, verily I say unto you, that whoso forbiddeth to marry is not ordained of God, for marriage is ordained of God unto man? (D&C 49:15).
The Lord is very clear in His attitude about marriage. Marriage is designed and endorsed by Him. Marriage is ordained of God.
Ordained. To ordain means to authorize or order by virtue of superior authority. To ordain is stronger than approving of. It is closer to commanding. So marriage is ordained, endorsed, or commanded by God unto man. [i]
But what is God purpose for marriage? Did God design marriage as a refuge ?a safe haven rom a troubled world? Or did He design marriage as a laboratory where each of us could conduct daily experiments in gospel living? Or did he design marriage as a spiritual challenge course to humble us, stretch us, and refine us?
Yes. All of the above. For most people, marriage can be a refuge against the storm. At other times marriage is the storm. It is the place where cold squalls and pitching decks test our balance and determination as we seek the promised land of marital harmony.
One thing is sure. God did not design marriage as a retirement village where we sunbathe, work the buffet, and play golf. When God ordained marriage, He had loftier and more demanding purposes in mind.
When we understand God purposes for marriage, we are more likely to feel blessed by it. And less likely to feel disappointed and persecuted by it.
The keys to surviving and enjoying marriage are found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Where do we find the solutions for marriage stern challenges? What are the tools God would have us use? Since God objective is to help us develop godly character, He has provided a set of tools that is perfectly designed to help us master the challenges of marriage (and life in general): the Gospel of Jesus Christ!
We will only succeed at marriage as we use eternal gospel principles to become more of what God has invited us to become. Marriage is God graduate school for advanced training in Christian character. Those who are truly successful at marriage are those who are applying the Gospel of Jesus Christ in their lives. [ii]
The Proclamation on the Family declares the enduring truth: happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ?(The Family: A Proclamation to the World). We could go even a step farther. Perhaps enduring and soul-filling happiness in marriage is only found by actively using the principles of Jesus?gospel.?
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=5327032
Doug Brinley (2004a) has suggested that, ur entire [LDS] theology is geared to help us succeed as married companions?(p.7). President Packer has confirmed the formula: f you seek for a cure that ignores faith and religious doctrine, you look for a cure where it never will be found?(Packer, 1970, pp. 106-7).
The key to a satisfying marriage is to be found in living the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There is no other place to find the solution.
How does this work? How can gospel truths help us solve the knotty and persistent problems of living and loving with another person? How do we translate faith, hope and charity into sweet and productive companionship?
Brother Brinley (2004b) suggests that understanding doctrine softens our hearts and leads to Christlike behavior, which culminates in happy marriages (p.33). Rather than learn a set of skills for dealing with difficulties, we seek a change of heart.
That is a tall order. I have worked for a lifetime to get a change of heart. There have been small successes and lots of failures.
